2010 Reflections

It's a Friday night, and New Year's Eve is soon arriving.
I have a couple of hours of stillness before I head out with the work crew to celebrate, let me reflect a little on 2010 and what has come and gone while listening to John Mayer's 'Slow Dancing in a Burning Room.'


Relationships

I spent most of 2010 paired with Jake. I don't regret having been with him, and I don't regret having ended it. Every time I leave a relationship I learn a little more about who I am and what I want, what I need from my partner, what I need in the relationship and secured for the future.

From this relationship, I've learned that getting involved with someone romantically means getting involved with their family as well, it's inevitable. And though my partner's personality or lifestyle may not be totally and completely derived from his family, he will always have been influenced by them somehow. I've also learned that what they do now gives me a pretty good idea of what they will be doing in the future. It's rare for anyone's life to completely change, or even make a good turnaround. Usually, they will just follow the path they've already set for themselves some years ago. I've learned from past relationships that I don't want a partner too attached and clingy, who's a bad kisser, and is self-belittling; someone who gives all his heart from the start without knowing what he's headed for, too serious about life, and awkwardly nice; a boy who does not grow up, only wants to have fun, will go out of his way to make his fun, and is treated as a boy by his family with these reasons so obvious to me, yet he could not see; one who has a self-image problem, and doesn't take enough initiative to change his lifestyle, who loves love too much... the list goes on, and will go on as long as I know who I am and what I want.

But enough with the relationship rant, teeehee.
Some fun things that have happened recently...
1) I wore my giant 6g nose ring to Kula with Phuong, and Sushiboy struck up conversation with me about it, and about his teeny 14g one haha. Phuong left him my number but he was on break, as we saw walking out the place, and didn't get it... THANKFULLY, LISA AND PHUONG WENT TO KULA THE VERY NEXT DAY and Lisa brought me up. He asked for my name and Lisa left him my number again at the table. Too bad I've not heard from him, he seemed cute, although I can't say for sure what he looked like anymore :(
2) I met Jamie last semester, and she's such a cool chick. She invited me to her Thanksgiving kickback, I went by myself and was pretty intimidated at first but ended up making a few friends. I went to lunch with one, DM, and though I thought he was interesting at first I no longer think so. I still owe a lunch date with DB so I will try to carry that out, but I think their lifestyles are real turn-offs. Maybe I'm just not into the richer guys who have free time to do pot. I don't have anything against them for doing it, and hearing them talk about it is interesting somewhat, but that's not what I want for myself..
3) I've been seeing straight-edge instead. I thought the Christmas wrapping was just about the best thing ever. He's definitely getting to me lol.


Work

I'm still working at Walgreens with everyone who originally started at this store. Jeanette was let go some time ago, I'm not sure if this was in the past year. Not a great loss at all, tbh lolol. Losing John was rather unfortunate though. I feel like, with the way I card smokers, I might get caught in their stupid traps too. :/

In addition to Walgreens I also work as a graphic designer! I think this has been the most exciting thing to happen to me in a long long time. It happened so suddenly, too!
Apparently, Chi Ti and Burroughs were having brunch at nearby tables when Burroughs overheard Chi Ti mention that she knows someone who could design her Bicyclist Club's shirts. Burroughs, having been looking for new designers for her small business, came over to the cyclist table and gave Chi Ti her card.
I've been working for her ever since, making whatever small businesses come to her for: business cards, banners, flyers, pamphlets, magnets... I also work on her personal line of pet-themed collectibles. She's a sweet lady, and giving me a raise soon! I'm excited for what 's in store for me =)


School

I didn't do so hot last semester, I got almost all B's save one A and one D!!! It was a Carlos class, sigh. I got an A in enameling though! I thoroughly enjoyed Susanna's class, and hope to take at least one more metals class while I'm still here.
I've decided to go through with the BFA program. I'm gonna work on my portfolio given the chance, and apply for the program hopefully by next year. I hope to graduate in two years, with two degrees. I'm excited and anxious for the future! Teacher? Illustrator? Designer? No one knows.


Memorables

Over the summer I worked with a group of art students and community service volunteers on a mural in Stanton. It was a fairly large wall, standing at 14 feet tall and 60 feet wide. I worked on it with Jake, too, and so his name will be along mine on the wall for as long as the painting stands. It looks adorable, I love the colors and the message. I drew all the people! =)

I've picked up an interest in ceramics and fabrics, LOL. I want yarn now more than ever, and want to learn foreals how to make stuff! I don't really wanna do more ceramics but I keep an eye out for unique ceramic things, like this adorable set of half-cups that form one mug together. It looks like it was made cheap, but I got it at Goodwill for cheap anyway lol, and it's just so adorable!

I love hanging out with Phuong Lisa and Tuan. Of course Tuan is not usually here, so we 3 girls tend to have our own fun most of the time. We all have very different goals for the future and schedules but make it all work to get that coffee and tea, and those damn pastries. 85C adventures, errands, The Office, whatever it may be, I love it all. I love my friends!

I've stopped stretching my lobes for a bit, the cold weather had been really harsh on them. While they heal and stay content at 0g, I've been working on my septum piercing instead. I'm at 4g now, and not looking to stop any time soon. I'd like to reach at least 0g there. I'm contemplating what other piercing to get... but I guess I will know in 2011 8)

fuckeeeenng lifeee

Hamade's damage is almost $500.
There goes all my fucking money, which doesn't even fucking exist at this time. Not really...

List of things to add to stress:
412: 6 projects
412: research paper
412: folio
407: 3-6 lesson plans
407: folio

goddamn, art ed is giving me shit this semester. thank god i only have one more Carlos class, just one more... just one............................... fuck!

i'm behind in ceramics by one entire project. i guess i'll just have to stay extra extra days for the final project now. i still need to stay on track for enameling. buddhism, i don't even know... pulled a move on the midterm so we'll see. yoga can touch my toes and kiss em.

on top of all this i still have work1 and work2 so yay me, my life, it loves me =( or maybe i hate it and treat it badly.

on the bright side, i have 35 faces to look forward to every week... but only for one more week. and then i won't see them (hopefully i'll get to!) until december. oh no :( my kids :(

vacashit

 I try to make you happy, you try to make up happy. We both end up sad as fuck.
I did say I want to spend more time with you during your Aug vacation since we didn't spend much time/ no time during your July vacation.
I said it because I love you and owed you at least that much.
But still, shit, I need fucking days to myself. Yeah, even if they ARE on your vacation. I just want to spend one of the last two days of your vaca together and have one for myself so I can tend to other people and things in my life. I obviously don't do work when I'm with you. Shit.
But no. You'd rather assume I don't want to spend either day with you. YOU change the plans. YOU say what you really want, your first choice. Your second choice.
I can't do your first choice so I choose to do your second choice but you won't have it.
And now you change your mind.
Fuck fuckey fuck fuckety fucky fuck.

I said I'd spend more time with you this break so I took off the entire fucking week off work! So there are no unnecessary distractions! You don't think I need the money? FUCK.
But you were so down and depressed last month that we didn't go anywhere so what choice do I have? Don't I have to be a good girlfriend and do at least this much for you????
SO I DO!!!
I DOOOO!!
I do, yet here we are again. Not satisfied with half a week. Wants the whole fucking week. Whoop dee fucking deedooddaaaa I don't HAVE the whole fucking week JUST FOR YOU. I'M SORRY. FUCK.

I don't even wanna go out anymore.
I just want to be a hermit.
I just want to be myself, BY myself, alone.

Love is complicated, and I don't like it.

l'amour

trop dificil pour moi. je comprend rien. 

i am a bad student

I don't think I've ever been so disappointed in myself in school as this semester. a C in illustration? I was doing so well in the beginning, my first two projects got a 10/10 and 8/10 respectively... but it just slid downhill from there. I couldn't/ wouldn't/ DIDN'T keep up with the workload. It should've been my favorite class. It was, actually. I liked working on projects in that class more than in Yu Ji's and in Rick's. I half-half-assed everything in Rick's class pretty much, because I'm a snob and pretty much am sure that I know 100% more about Photoshop and Illustrator than any of those art ed kids, and didn't put my best foot forward. And got an A. C in illustration, A in art ed, is this a sign of which direction to go? Then why does it feel so grim?


Both Yu Ji and Chawla said that it's not about the skill level, obviously I can produce quality work. But I don't. Being lazy gets you nowhere in this industry (or any other, for that matter). Both of them gave me a C. Is this what I needed to step up my game? I don't know. I hope so. Six classes next semester though, this shit's tough.

I'm going to make up for whatever my "portfolio" lacks by drawing and painting this summer. I need to get a move on.


A in sex ed and A in art ed, two totally dumb classes. Cake classes, safety nets, whatever. I don't feel happy for receiving these A's. I just feel a little relieved for my poor GPA, but no satisfaction.

Sigh.


edit: I got a B in Mesoamerican Art Hist. I actually did work for this class, went to every class and studied and read. I didn't do all of the necessary work, but I did the work. I am a straight B student this semester, one step down from last semester (B B B B... A. lol). OHBOYOHBOYZ.

I can breathe

Well no, I still can't, stupid fucking weather changes fucked up my nasal passages a few days prior to finals. WHY?

I also developed cold sores for what I believe is the first time. WHY?
I had indigestion and ... um. WHY?

WHY?


I had so much work to do over the week for finals that I had to give my shift away, which is shit, because I really need money right now. OH. YEAH.


I got a parking ticket again. WHY?


sigh.


I'm stuck in typography, type-type-typing away... there's some kind of documentary or commentary or whatever playing on the screen, everybody's bored and browsing the web, everybody's tired and out of coffee (which Sunook bought for us, thanks), I just want to go home but I can't. I have a final again at 10:15 AM. I guess this means I could leave this place soon, but it's not soon enough.

After the Rendering final I'm gonna knock out til 4 and get ready for work.

yaaaayy...


reminder: post zykia cookie, last school day, kids, annelee adventure,

headachacha

All this thinking about my career and education and future is killing me.

So, I think this is the way it's gonna be:
I'm gonna drop Illustration; not that I've ever added it, hehe.
I'm gonna get my BFA in Studio Art (Painting & Drawing?), with emphasis in Art Edu.
I think the way I'm going now is just getting a BA in Art Edu, WHICH IS LOWER, which I do not want...

And I'll still be able to vie for an MFA, because as research has shown me..., there are a lot of people out there who enter the master's program without even having a BFA or even an art-related BA. But, I'll have to see about it with June Borba... soon.

Registration for Spring in a week, eek!

Lacking Motivation

Here I am, at Lisa's.
No tracing paper (where the fuck is my $10 new roll!??!), no available printer to do the overdue assignment...

At the time, I thought it would be smart to take all 15 units of art classes. After all, I'm almost done with GE, and my schedule would fit perfect, so why not?

Now I know it was a big mistake. I used to slack off in those much needed GE classes when I needed to concentrate on the important ones.
This time, they're ALL important.

I don't have my free-day-friday's anymore either, and working during the week sometimes often makes me lazy even lazier than usual.
I'm not doing so hot in any of my classes.
The reading ones are killing me, even though they are probably the easier ones.
I lack focus, energy, motivation. Can I get that in a bottle?
I'll invest in Red Bull this semester, I suppose.

Grade Prediction
typography: A
drawing: A
300: B
301: B
Rendering: A

makes me feel a little better, but let's see if I can actually pull it off. Those are the best possible outcomes, after all >.>


hey boyfriend, i miss you. =)

too much too much

On my 3rd day of school now.

School every day 9AM-3:45 with an hour lunch break between classes. Every day! Monday through friday.

I also had to close at work last night and tonight as well. I don't get home til 1040 or so.

Jake came by to visit at work since school and work eat up my whole day. It was a really special night, I really like him.

Anyway I don't think we'll have much time for each other. He works full time, I go to school full time, work part time... still gotta make time for friends too of course. We'll see how things pan out.

On the subject of school, I'm still waiting to get into a class, but I'm 90% confident I'll get in. I just gotta wait til tonight to see if they've added me.


I should redo my whole room this weekend, I know I don't have a chance at getting serious about my classes until there's room on the floor to walk a straight path across. SHIT


shit shit shit. I gotta get my shit together. I should've done this a month ago.

at least  I got paid, motherfucken yeessss, $540+, and still missing about a week's pay from last month =)!! TAX ATE LIKE $140 WTFWTFWTF I'M SO ANGRYSADFACE, TOO MUCH!