I am broken, please don't fix me. all that I am is what you've left of me.
oh, George..
Monday, March 21, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
i'm a mess
stressing out because i can't keep my shit together for art ed. i'm so behind in the paperwork. why do i just go home? why don't i set aside time at school to see the counselors?
and all this time i was telling myself it's because i'm concentrating harder on illustration but let's face it, i'm not. i didn't even submit the portfolio. how is this semester the most overwhelming, when i am only taking 12 units? some kind of anxiety about leaving the school-world? i can't take this.
like my room, so is my self.
and all this time i was telling myself it's because i'm concentrating harder on illustration but let's face it, i'm not. i didn't even submit the portfolio. how is this semester the most overwhelming, when i am only taking 12 units? some kind of anxiety about leaving the school-world? i can't take this.
like my room, so is my self.
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010 Reflections
It's a Friday night, and New Year's Eve is soon arriving.
I have a couple of hours of stillness before I head out with the work crew to celebrate, let me reflect a little on 2010 and what has come and gone while listening to John Mayer's 'Slow Dancing in a Burning Room.'
Relationships
I spent most of 2010 paired with Jake. I don't regret having been with him, and I don't regret having ended it. Every time I leave a relationship I learn a little more about who I am and what I want, what I need from my partner, what I need in the relationship and secured for the future.
From this relationship, I've learned that getting involved with someone romantically means getting involved with their family as well, it's inevitable. And though my partner's personality or lifestyle may not be totally and completely derived from his family, he will always have been influenced by them somehow. I've also learned that what they do now gives me a pretty good idea of what they will be doing in the future. It's rare for anyone's life to completely change, or even make a good turnaround. Usually, they will just follow the path they've already set for themselves some years ago. I've learned from past relationships that I don't want a partner too attached and clingy, who's a bad kisser, and is self-belittling; someone who gives all his heart from the start without knowing what he's headed for, too serious about life, and awkwardly nice; a boy who does not grow up, only wants to have fun, will go out of his way to make his fun, and is treated as a boy by his family with these reasons so obvious to me, yet he could not see; one who has a self-image problem, and doesn't take enough initiative to change his lifestyle, who loves love too much... the list goes on, and will go on as long as I know who I am and what I want.
But enough with the relationship rant, teeehee.
Some fun things that have happened recently...
1) I wore my giant 6g nose ring to Kula with Phuong, and Sushiboy struck up conversation with me about it, and about his teeny 14g one haha. Phuong left him my number but he was on break, as we saw walking out the place, and didn't get it... THANKFULLY, LISA AND PHUONG WENT TO KULA THE VERY NEXT DAY and Lisa brought me up. He asked for my name and Lisa left him my number again at the table. Too bad I've not heard from him, he seemed cute, although I can't say for sure what he looked like anymore :(
2) I met Jamie last semester, and she's such a cool chick. She invited me to her Thanksgiving kickback, I went by myself and was pretty intimidated at first but ended up making a few friends. I went to lunch with one, DM, and though I thought he was interesting at first I no longer think so. I still owe a lunch date with DB so I will try to carry that out, but I think their lifestyles are real turn-offs. Maybe I'm just not into the richer guys who have free time to do pot. I don't have anything against them for doing it, and hearing them talk about it is interesting somewhat, but that's not what I want for myself..
3) I've been seeing straight-edge instead. I thought the Christmas wrapping was just about the best thing ever. He's definitely getting to me lol.
Work
I'm still working at Walgreens with everyone who originally started at this store. Jeanette was let go some time ago, I'm not sure if this was in the past year. Not a great loss at all, tbh lolol. Losing John was rather unfortunate though. I feel like, with the way I card smokers, I might get caught in their stupid traps too. :/
In addition to Walgreens I also work as a graphic designer! I think this has been the most exciting thing to happen to me in a long long time. It happened so suddenly, too!
Apparently, Chi Ti and Burroughs were having brunch at nearby tables when Burroughs overheard Chi Ti mention that she knows someone who could design her Bicyclist Club's shirts. Burroughs, having been looking for new designers for her small business, came over to the cyclist table and gave Chi Ti her card.
I've been working for her ever since, making whatever small businesses come to her for: business cards, banners, flyers, pamphlets, magnets... I also work on her personal line of pet-themed collectibles. She's a sweet lady, and giving me a raise soon! I'm excited for what 's in store for me =)
School
I didn't do so hot last semester, I got almost all B's save one A and one D!!! It was a Carlos class, sigh. I got an A in enameling though! I thoroughly enjoyed Susanna's class, and hope to take at least one more metals class while I'm still here.
I've decided to go through with the BFA program. I'm gonna work on my portfolio given the chance, and apply for the program hopefully by next year. I hope to graduate in two years, with two degrees. I'm excited and anxious for the future! Teacher? Illustrator? Designer? No one knows.
Memorables
Over the summer I worked with a group of art students and community service volunteers on a mural in Stanton. It was a fairly large wall, standing at 14 feet tall and 60 feet wide. I worked on it with Jake, too, and so his name will be along mine on the wall for as long as the painting stands. It looks adorable, I love the colors and the message. I drew all the people! =)
I've picked up an interest in ceramics and fabrics, LOL. I want yarn now more than ever, and want to learn foreals how to make stuff! I don't really wanna do more ceramics but I keep an eye out for unique ceramic things, like this adorable set of half-cups that form one mug together. It looks like it was made cheap, but I got it at Goodwill for cheap anyway lol, and it's just so adorable!
I love hanging out with Phuong Lisa and Tuan. Of course Tuan is not usually here, so we 3 girls tend to have our own fun most of the time. We all have very different goals for the future and schedules but make it all work to get that coffee and tea, and those damn pastries. 85C adventures, errands, The Office, whatever it may be, I love it all. I love my friends!
I've stopped stretching my lobes for a bit, the cold weather had been really harsh on them. While they heal and stay content at 0g, I've been working on my septum piercing instead. I'm at 4g now, and not looking to stop any time soon. I'd like to reach at least 0g there. I'm contemplating what other piercing to get... but I guess I will know in 2011 8)
I have a couple of hours of stillness before I head out with the work crew to celebrate, let me reflect a little on 2010 and what has come and gone while listening to John Mayer's 'Slow Dancing in a Burning Room.'
Relationships
I spent most of 2010 paired with Jake. I don't regret having been with him, and I don't regret having ended it. Every time I leave a relationship I learn a little more about who I am and what I want, what I need from my partner, what I need in the relationship and secured for the future.
From this relationship, I've learned that getting involved with someone romantically means getting involved with their family as well, it's inevitable. And though my partner's personality or lifestyle may not be totally and completely derived from his family, he will always have been influenced by them somehow. I've also learned that what they do now gives me a pretty good idea of what they will be doing in the future. It's rare for anyone's life to completely change, or even make a good turnaround. Usually, they will just follow the path they've already set for themselves some years ago. I've learned from past relationships that I don't want a partner too attached and clingy, who's a bad kisser, and is self-belittling; someone who gives all his heart from the start without knowing what he's headed for, too serious about life, and awkwardly nice; a boy who does not grow up, only wants to have fun, will go out of his way to make his fun, and is treated as a boy by his family with these reasons so obvious to me, yet he could not see; one who has a self-image problem, and doesn't take enough initiative to change his lifestyle, who loves love too much... the list goes on, and will go on as long as I know who I am and what I want.
But enough with the relationship rant, teeehee.
Some fun things that have happened recently...
1) I wore my giant 6g nose ring to Kula with Phuong, and Sushiboy struck up conversation with me about it, and about his teeny 14g one haha. Phuong left him my number but he was on break, as we saw walking out the place, and didn't get it... THANKFULLY, LISA AND PHUONG WENT TO KULA THE VERY NEXT DAY and Lisa brought me up. He asked for my name and Lisa left him my number again at the table. Too bad I've not heard from him, he seemed cute, although I can't say for sure what he looked like anymore :(
2) I met Jamie last semester, and she's such a cool chick. She invited me to her Thanksgiving kickback, I went by myself and was pretty intimidated at first but ended up making a few friends. I went to lunch with one, DM, and though I thought he was interesting at first I no longer think so. I still owe a lunch date with DB so I will try to carry that out, but I think their lifestyles are real turn-offs. Maybe I'm just not into the richer guys who have free time to do pot. I don't have anything against them for doing it, and hearing them talk about it is interesting somewhat, but that's not what I want for myself..
3) I've been seeing straight-edge instead. I thought the Christmas wrapping was just about the best thing ever. He's definitely getting to me lol.
Work
I'm still working at Walgreens with everyone who originally started at this store. Jeanette was let go some time ago, I'm not sure if this was in the past year. Not a great loss at all, tbh lolol. Losing John was rather unfortunate though. I feel like, with the way I card smokers, I might get caught in their stupid traps too. :/
In addition to Walgreens I also work as a graphic designer! I think this has been the most exciting thing to happen to me in a long long time. It happened so suddenly, too!
Apparently, Chi Ti and Burroughs were having brunch at nearby tables when Burroughs overheard Chi Ti mention that she knows someone who could design her Bicyclist Club's shirts. Burroughs, having been looking for new designers for her small business, came over to the cyclist table and gave Chi Ti her card.
I've been working for her ever since, making whatever small businesses come to her for: business cards, banners, flyers, pamphlets, magnets... I also work on her personal line of pet-themed collectibles. She's a sweet lady, and giving me a raise soon! I'm excited for what 's in store for me =)
School
I didn't do so hot last semester, I got almost all B's save one A and one D!!! It was a Carlos class, sigh. I got an A in enameling though! I thoroughly enjoyed Susanna's class, and hope to take at least one more metals class while I'm still here.
I've decided to go through with the BFA program. I'm gonna work on my portfolio given the chance, and apply for the program hopefully by next year. I hope to graduate in two years, with two degrees. I'm excited and anxious for the future! Teacher? Illustrator? Designer? No one knows.
Memorables
Over the summer I worked with a group of art students and community service volunteers on a mural in Stanton. It was a fairly large wall, standing at 14 feet tall and 60 feet wide. I worked on it with Jake, too, and so his name will be along mine on the wall for as long as the painting stands. It looks adorable, I love the colors and the message. I drew all the people! =)
I've picked up an interest in ceramics and fabrics, LOL. I want yarn now more than ever, and want to learn foreals how to make stuff! I don't really wanna do more ceramics but I keep an eye out for unique ceramic things, like this adorable set of half-cups that form one mug together. It looks like it was made cheap, but I got it at Goodwill for cheap anyway lol, and it's just so adorable!
I love hanging out with Phuong Lisa and Tuan. Of course Tuan is not usually here, so we 3 girls tend to have our own fun most of the time. We all have very different goals for the future and schedules but make it all work to get that coffee and tea, and those damn pastries. 85C adventures, errands, The Office, whatever it may be, I love it all. I love my friends!
I've stopped stretching my lobes for a bit, the cold weather had been really harsh on them. While they heal and stay content at 0g, I've been working on my septum piercing instead. I'm at 4g now, and not looking to stop any time soon. I'd like to reach at least 0g there. I'm contemplating what other piercing to get... but I guess I will know in 2011 8)
Sunday, November 14, 2010
fuckeeeenng lifeee
Hamade's damage is almost $500.
There goes all my fucking money, which doesn't even fucking exist at this time. Not really...
List of things to add to stress:
412: 6 projects
412: research paper
412: folio
407: 3-6 lesson plans
407: folio
goddamn, art ed is giving me shit this semester. thank god i only have one more Carlos class, just one more... just one............................... fuck!
i'm behind in ceramics by one entire project. i guess i'll just have to stay extra extra days for the final project now. i still need to stay on track for enameling. buddhism, i don't even know... pulled a move on the midterm so we'll see. yoga can touch my toes and kiss em.
on top of all this i still have work1 and work2 so yay me, my life, it loves me =( or maybe i hate it and treat it badly.
on the bright side, i have 35 faces to look forward to every week... but only for one more week. and then i won't see them (hopefully i'll get to!) until december. oh no :( my kids :(
There goes all my fucking money, which doesn't even fucking exist at this time. Not really...
List of things to add to stress:
412: 6 projects
412: research paper
412: folio
407: 3-6 lesson plans
407: folio
goddamn, art ed is giving me shit this semester. thank god i only have one more Carlos class, just one more... just one............................... fuck!
i'm behind in ceramics by one entire project. i guess i'll just have to stay extra extra days for the final project now. i still need to stay on track for enameling. buddhism, i don't even know... pulled a move on the midterm so we'll see. yoga can touch my toes and kiss em.
on top of all this i still have work1 and work2 so yay me, my life, it loves me =( or maybe i hate it and treat it badly.
on the bright side, i have 35 faces to look forward to every week... but only for one more week. and then i won't see them (hopefully i'll get to!) until december. oh no :( my kids :(
Sunday, November 7, 2010
text from Tuan
"You are an amazing Adeline, the only one that exists. I love you very much. I hope you have a great day because you deserve it everyday. You have more strength and courage than you can imagine!"
ily my friend =)
Lisa's birthday dinner was last night, and it was full of laughter. I hadn't seen most of those girls since high school but I think I'm much better now at small conversation and just making conversation, in general. A few drinks help.
For Phuong's birthday, we went to Universal Horror Nights. It was great fun, I had never been! I got scared good, MANY times. Lol I loved it, I'd go again. Horror movies are blah, eh, but living the horror is fantastic and hilarious =)
Tuan's birthday has passed as well but we won't get to celebrate until thursday. I'm not entirely sure what we will be doing but as always in the past, even when we do nothing, it is a good day =) But since we will all be in SD and 21, the night should be interesting!
I love my friends so much. They inspire me, and improve me.
They let me be me. I'll save this for Thanksgiving post though =)
ily my friend =)
Lisa's birthday dinner was last night, and it was full of laughter. I hadn't seen most of those girls since high school but I think I'm much better now at small conversation and just making conversation, in general. A few drinks help.
For Phuong's birthday, we went to Universal Horror Nights. It was great fun, I had never been! I got scared good, MANY times. Lol I loved it, I'd go again. Horror movies are blah, eh, but living the horror is fantastic and hilarious =)
Tuan's birthday has passed as well but we won't get to celebrate until thursday. I'm not entirely sure what we will be doing but as always in the past, even when we do nothing, it is a good day =) But since we will all be in SD and 21, the night should be interesting!
I love my friends so much. They inspire me, and improve me.
They let me be me. I'll save this for Thanksgiving post though =)
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