I try to make you happy, you try to make up happy. We both end up sad as fuck.
I did say I want to spend more time with you during your Aug vacation since we didn't spend much time/ no time during your July vacation.
I said it because I love you and owed you at least that much.
But still, shit, I need fucking days to myself. Yeah, even if they ARE on your vacation. I just want to spend one of the last two days of your vaca together and have one for myself so I can tend to other people and things in my life. I obviously don't do work when I'm with you. Shit.
But no. You'd rather assume I don't want to spend either day with you. YOU change the plans. YOU say what you really want, your first choice. Your second choice.
I can't do your first choice so I choose to do your second choice but you won't have it.
And now you change your mind.
Fuck fuckey fuck fuckety fucky fuck.
I said I'd spend more time with you this break so I took off the entire fucking week off work! So there are no unnecessary distractions! You don't think I need the money? FUCK.
But you were so down and depressed last month that we didn't go anywhere so what choice do I have? Don't I have to be a good girlfriend and do at least this much for you????
SO I DO!!!
I DOOOO!!
I do, yet here we are again. Not satisfied with half a week. Wants the whole fucking week. Whoop dee fucking deedooddaaaa I don't HAVE the whole fucking week JUST FOR YOU. I'M SORRY. FUCK.
I don't even wanna go out anymore.
I just want to be a hermit.
I just want to be myself, BY myself, alone.
Love is complicated, and I don't like it.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
vague update
This is what I get for not updating. Now, I can't remember things in correct order... I'm just gonna recall things as best as I can. =(
Jake and I really jumped at the opportunity to spend more time together for the summer and took advantage of it early on. We went to San Pedro, Malibu, (both days were chilly! pooey),... here there and everywhere =) He got me a new bathingsuit, it's such a happy color lol. Yellow/white striped with hot pink accents! We watch a lot of movies and eat just about everything lol. I'ts great.
Co Be and Ong Ba Ngoai came over for a couple of weeks or so, I was either working or with Jake most of the time, but did take off for a few days to hang out with family. We went to Nevada and Arizona for 3 days on a Chinese tour bus. Fobnesss..... But it was fun, and loud, and confusing. We were the only non-Chinese people on the bus lol.
Las Vegas is shit, I don't like it that much. The heat is too intense, the people just make it worse. The lights and sights are great and all but I enjoyed Arizona so much more than Nevada. We stayed at Hualapai Ranch, so cute and quaint! We had a nice home-style meal and then roasted marshmallows and made s'mores after dinner. CUTE?? yea!
Before dinner though, we went to the Grand Canyon and waited for the sunset. It hit the horizon perfectly, so beautiful =)
They woke us up at 5 AM to watch the sunrise, and it was quite a sight. I've never stayed for both a sunset AND sunrise hehehe, it's amazing.
Besides trips here and there I've mostly been working. Chi Ti found me a job working for a graphic designer, she pays me $15/hr, and she's really sweet. I like working for her a lot!
And I signed up to volunteer work in Stanton on a community project. It's a mural, and it's mostly a group of csulb art students, with some other volunteers. Eventually we hope to bring in the kids to help us, or at least do their hand imprints on the wall haha.
Vincent might write an article on me for Vien Dong newspaper =)! We'll see I guess!
There's just so much going on in life, I love it... though the sun doesn't always shine on all situations, it's beaming on my career path. ah...
Jake and I really jumped at the opportunity to spend more time together for the summer and took advantage of it early on. We went to San Pedro, Malibu, (both days were chilly! pooey),... here there and everywhere =) He got me a new bathingsuit, it's such a happy color lol. Yellow/white striped with hot pink accents! We watch a lot of movies and eat just about everything lol. I'ts great.
Co Be and Ong Ba Ngoai came over for a couple of weeks or so, I was either working or with Jake most of the time, but did take off for a few days to hang out with family. We went to Nevada and Arizona for 3 days on a Chinese tour bus. Fobnesss..... But it was fun, and loud, and confusing. We were the only non-Chinese people on the bus lol.
Las Vegas is shit, I don't like it that much. The heat is too intense, the people just make it worse. The lights and sights are great and all but I enjoyed Arizona so much more than Nevada. We stayed at Hualapai Ranch, so cute and quaint! We had a nice home-style meal and then roasted marshmallows and made s'mores after dinner. CUTE?? yea!
Before dinner though, we went to the Grand Canyon and waited for the sunset. It hit the horizon perfectly, so beautiful =)
They woke us up at 5 AM to watch the sunrise, and it was quite a sight. I've never stayed for both a sunset AND sunrise hehehe, it's amazing.
Besides trips here and there I've mostly been working. Chi Ti found me a job working for a graphic designer, she pays me $15/hr, and she's really sweet. I like working for her a lot!
And I signed up to volunteer work in Stanton on a community project. It's a mural, and it's mostly a group of csulb art students, with some other volunteers. Eventually we hope to bring in the kids to help us, or at least do their hand imprints on the wall haha.
Vincent might write an article on me for Vien Dong newspaper =)! We'll see I guess!
There's just so much going on in life, I love it... though the sun doesn't always shine on all situations, it's beaming on my career path. ah...
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Lisa Photografia!
The other day, Lisa came over to do some photography =) she did my makeup and brought some clothes to put on... or not. She also brought pasties. Those were the first thing I put on hehehehehe. The main point was to capture the jewelry! Lol but it didn't always happen. I don't know why, but whenever I see pictures of myself now with my straight bangs and big hangies, I see myself as Mexica. lol.... too much Mesoamerican art for meee!
The day was fun and great, Phuong came over just a bit after. We had some really good shots and some very silly fat ones lol. She edited them, her family liked her photography, and now wants her to do their photos lol.
Then Lisa had to go someplace so Phuong and I went out for tofu. All in all, a very good day, except for what was going on between me and the boif but that's solved now. Or well, I am still in the process of fixing it. At least things are better now, once again. hehe.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Enigma, part deux
SDeezy with Lisa and Elena, and Phuong and Tuan =)
Went really early in the morning (lol 8:30am) and got to Tuan's at 10:30 or so. Chilled around and went to see Phuong's game at 11ish. She won! But her next match wouldn't be until 7pm (!) so we wished her good luck and left. Tuan drove us to the beach, it was so beautiful, but that's all we could do... drive around looking for parking. There was none, not even far away from the beach and high up on hills, so we left.
We went to Enigma, but Lisa didn't want to get hers done today so I was the only one to go =( I talked to Mark about getting my smiley pierced but he really advised against it. I asked if repiercing my eyebrow, which I miss so much, would be a good idea. He said it would be OK but hey, if it rejected once before it will likely reject again. I talked to the other guy behind the counter, I really liked his septum jewelry. He had 3 small gauge/ diameter rings in it. I asked him what size he's at and he said 10g. OK, I WANT THAT! =)
They were both really nice so I tipped them $10, even though I'm broke. It was a great experience, and I really enjoyed talking to them. Plus, They pierced me with a niobium retainer, awesome =)
10g hurt like a bitch for about 3 seconds, and then everything just feels so enlightening lol. I love it!
Tuan got his jewelry change there, and I changed his second one back at his place. We all watched a History International show special on the history of tattoo. It was great. Then some on Kama Sutra which was actually not as interesting. Lol. So we switched to Friends =) Left to see Phuong's 3rd match (missed her 2nd boooo) at like 8 or so. We stayed until 9 and left for home. It was a good day =)
So, piercing in the summer, at Enigma SD, ... done that twice now. Shall I make that a tradition? I'm definitely thinking of it. =)
Went really early in the morning (lol 8:30am) and got to Tuan's at 10:30 or so. Chilled around and went to see Phuong's game at 11ish. She won! But her next match wouldn't be until 7pm (!) so we wished her good luck and left. Tuan drove us to the beach, it was so beautiful, but that's all we could do... drive around looking for parking. There was none, not even far away from the beach and high up on hills, so we left.
We went to Enigma, but Lisa didn't want to get hers done today so I was the only one to go =( I talked to Mark about getting my smiley pierced but he really advised against it. I asked if repiercing my eyebrow, which I miss so much, would be a good idea. He said it would be OK but hey, if it rejected once before it will likely reject again. I talked to the other guy behind the counter, I really liked his septum jewelry. He had 3 small gauge/ diameter rings in it. I asked him what size he's at and he said 10g. OK, I WANT THAT! =)
They were both really nice so I tipped them $10, even though I'm broke. It was a great experience, and I really enjoyed talking to them. Plus, They pierced me with a niobium retainer, awesome =)
10g hurt like a bitch for about 3 seconds, and then everything just feels so enlightening lol. I love it!
Tuan got his jewelry change there, and I changed his second one back at his place. We all watched a History International show special on the history of tattoo. It was great. Then some on Kama Sutra which was actually not as interesting. Lol. So we switched to Friends =) Left to see Phuong's 3rd match (missed her 2nd boooo) at like 8 or so. We stayed until 9 and left for home. It was a good day =)
So, piercing in the summer, at Enigma SD, ... done that twice now. Shall I make that a tradition? I'm definitely thinking of it. =)
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